MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Monday, March 31, 2008~~

Hey. About time i leave another mark. Away for almost a month. Lots have happened, both good and bad. I have been wanting to make a post, but i cant think of a way to start of, after such a long time.

Foremost, thanks to ALL who came for the NTU guitar concert. I was really really glad with the response. It was really a great success to have all of u down to share the moment with me and my fellow club pple. Just to share the extend of gratefulness i have for u all, about 70+ of u all, my good frens came. That is excluding those of u who cant make it on the actual day but bought tickets. I cant imagine the concert without u all.

I have always been in this area of performing arts and I guess this one concert is an impactful one. U know, I tot organizing events in NP was tough, but till i experienced this project then i realised that the world is big out there. haha. Its T-O-U-G-H-E-R here. I guess being a high-achiever added more stress to all under me as well. I know my character and I set high aims. Gave many pple stress along the way but i just wanted things to go well. To cut this part short, i sincerely thank my committee for doing their part, u all noe who u are. =)

I guess i'm sorta in a dilemma now. Doing well in things that i want to and for particular purposes have always been my..character. Initially starting of as someone who didn't wanted to give up guitar, someone who wanted to earn pts to stay in hall, and having such a purpose in mind, joined this club and ran for committee to be Nocturne Pres. Through the process, shit happened, pile after pile. Even till the day of concert, i was ever constantly reaffirming myself that the concert would mark the end of all my nonsense. The end of my taxing journey of cda work. I decided to quit the club and let the concert leave a nice mark. However, the pple in GE just made me realise soon after..that things weren't so simple after all.

I heard rumours that the preceding successor of the club might b me. I was afraid. Not for the post, not for the duty, but for the faith they had in me. I wanted out.

On a post-event where we meet up for some food and viewing of the concert video, the club had a voting. I was in it. I told fellow mates that i wanted to quit and their expressions were unforgettable. The results were tallied and i got most of the votes as Pres. I was confused. I was flattered. Much too flattered.

P and VP pulled me aside to talk, and i couldnt give an ans. I didn't want to. It just wasn't fair. I worked so hard for a rest and now to carry an even heavier load? It just wasn't wad i expected. Many came over to congratulate me and i could only managed a smile. I went drinking at the playground after with a few..cos i needed some time.

REached back hostel at like 4+am? And the moment i got online after washing up, pple started finding me on msn, sms, etc. Words just kept flowing in. "U deserve it.", "U r really a great leader", yada yada yada. Thanks alot. I really dun need this now...

My stand still stayed, until when i hear bigger news, then i just wavered..some kept telling me how thrilled they are..how glad they were...how much they anticipate the next pract etc..and i just wanted out even more. i told them i may nt do it after all. And some revealed that they wanted to quit after the concert too, but upon knowing i m the pres, they decided to stay cos the bond tgr is too great to break. Some said they will come for pract more, be more involved, cos they wanna support me thru' it.. some said they are willing to help in 1 way or another...just so we can work tgr to give GE an even better shot next year. One reckon to join the club, cos the experience with me and rest in the club seems interesting enough to make her wanna be a part of this.

wow. i m, speechless. 1 of my weakness is human relationships. I cant pretend as much as i would like to ignore all these and cont. with my life. Its not me alone. Someone foresee such things would happen but i refuse to admit it and now i m just like..stunned. its nv in MY plan. I requested a few days to think over, and my deadline's up, still couldnt get an ans. that i m satisfied myself. My mind tells me that i shld just love myself a lil' more and get on with my life, improving my grades, conc on my work and leave more time for frens and family. BUt my heart also feel for these pple out there. Being a normal member seems fine in the club, but would they really allow me to do that? If i still stay, they might as well want me to run it. BUt..y the torture. The post is nowhere near "glorious", i just dun wan all the good things i see in GE to break away. OK, i admit it, i cant bear to see the club slowly tearing away, not becos of me, but becos a group of pple who can mix well will slowly pull more pple tgr..and the circle expands. But once they disintergrate...the rest will drift too. argh.

wad someone say is right. The ans. is pretty much clear cut. Yes or No. I shld NOT be thinking of things like "if GE falls apart, or return back to the stage whereby pple are hostile and etc, it will become v 可惜". if i think it that way, my ans is obvious, i will say yes. I just need to think if i want it. But that way, its obvious too, the ans is no. Shucks.

Anyway, just a happy note. My sis is offically MARRIED! I will blog abt that again in the next post. With pictures and all. wad i want to say is, its a new beginning for her and i wish her all the best. It was a hell load of experience i had, and its like once in a lifetime and it was a blast. next time bahz. haha.

Need to get back to study. Midterm exam on wed and thur. still haven really start. sian. ciaoz.

"u braved the storms with a breeze."

11:34 PM